Not ok

I forgot my blog password that’s how long I haven't posted for. 

Creating this new project "Cause Im Curious" which we started in Feb has been no easy feat and has literally taken all my time. Release date is Feb 17 - will keep you posted on that. It is exciting and incredible and I hope you love it.

Todays blog is kinda like a diary entry which I get to share with you. 

Im not ok. I think its important to own that. I've been so quiet and beige on social media and life, retreating as much as I can. Life at the moment is so big and complicated that it can’t be unpacked on a simple post on Instagram, or even over a coffee with a girlfriend. I’m usually an over sharer but this pain I’m feeling isn’t just mine. It’s not right to share other peoples secrets.

I don’t know if I am alone in this - but it’s been a very strange and challenging year. Personally and on a larger scale, I mean who saw Trump winning?

Why does everything feel so scary and surreal?

 I’m at a crossroads. I feel like I’ve been working so hard to create something I really believe in (like so many people do) and I'm not sure I can continue this kind of hustle forever. Working 16 hour days, no sleep, anxiety, no financial income, insecurities and an overwhelming amount of pressure paired with no gratification which you some times get in a regular job or even on social media or even when you post a blog.. Have we become spoilt and entitled. Maybe that’s where the anguish comes from..

I must note- I am SO grateful for my business partner, our interns and our team who also aren’t being paid and are working their arses off for a project we believe the world needs now. 

I just feel anxious. Its not just work. Every element of my life is being tested, my marriage, family, friendships, other elements of my career.

My health is good. That’s something to be grateful for. There’s actually lots to be grateful for.

I just feel like this year is super challenging. I’ve looked to God, the Universe, Psychologists,  Psychics, Tarot, Feng shui experts and realised sometimes life is just fucking hard and you need to keep getting up and turning up for your marriage, friends, family, health and career.

I have been thinking though. If I don’t get a sign I'm on track by April I might just throw it all in and stop the hustle, stop being ambitious and full of dreams to change the world and instead follow my bliss. Wake up each and every day and follow joy. Maybe that will be more profound than the hustle, more rewarding. Life changing perhaps?

All I know is that there are so many things I cant share here right now as its not my stuff to share- all I can say is my chest and heart are full of anxiety and my soul is tired.

I know I have so much to be grateful for. Thats something I need to shift my attention towards. The hustle is distracting it can steal your joy and being present.

We only have now, right? So why not be in it. Not chasing the next thing, especially when our soul is begging for some rest..

Peace. Lets hope we get some sleep tonight.

x