Trust
I'm sitting here, 2 glasses of red wine in my belly to soothe my nerves. I apologise for the spelling and grammar, as you all know it’s not my strong point, especially after a couple of wines.
Tomorrow is my first day at KIIS and I feel like it’s my first day of school. I'm nervous and excited.
The last 6 months were tough. I've been through some hurdles in the past that were much more traumatic than the past six months but that doesn't take away from the challenge the last 6 months held.
Moving back from NZ to Sydney was challenging for me. Just as moving to NZ was. Lets just say the last 12 months were full of dramatic highs and lows. One of my highs was moving to NZ and being lucky enough to have a dream job lined up. It was a travel/cooking show called, "The Great Food Race" and it was epic, both to film and to watch. After the show wrapped I was offered a guest spot on ZM radio, one thing led to another and I was offered a full time job on drive (3pm-7pm) with 2 absolute legends who taught me so much and supported me through the unknown world of radio. I fell in love. I was obsessed with radio. I loved that it was off the cuff, that you had to think on your feet and you could be pretty honest and more yourself. I had a place to air and share my thoughts.
Growing up, I always thought I would be an actor, but after studying for 3 years and not landing an acting job I thought it was time to look at other options. Thankfully, I had on-going work as a TV presenter, which I also love. But radio felt really natural for me. I knew I had found my calling in Radio. But little did I know it was going to be short lived (well this time round anyway).
While I was living and loving my new calling, Benji on the other hand had his own epiphany - he wanted to go back to NRL. I was happy for him as I always encourage him to follow his dreams but at the same time it was bitter sweet. I loved my job. NZ was slowly growing on me. We had just bought a home and had gotten another puppy. My mind had gotten used to this being our life for the next couple of years.
When Benj told me, I went into support mode and just wanted to make sure my man was ok. He was. He was happy with his realisation.
Then I had my melt down. It was only on one day, on one walk with the dogs. I called Benj and I said, "I don't know if I can do it again. I don't know if I can give up this incredible job. I have gotten this far and I love where I'm at”.
We discussed me possibly staying there, or commuting. But in the end I saw it as an opportunity to do what I love in the country I adore - Australia.
So we sold the house in 2 days (thank you Universe) and we got on a plane.
My boss at the time, Dean Buchanan is a complete legend and supported Benj and I in such an incredible way, I will love him forever.
As the optimist, I thought maybe it would be as easy as a transition as NZ was. Maybe I would just slip into another riveting and stimulating job….
No.
That didn't happen. We got back to Australia in June. Everyone was settled into their jobs.
Things were sloooooooooow.
I changed managers, introductions took time and I had to be PATIENT.. My lesson in all of this is patience.... so much patience...
There were jobs that came up which were good money but totally off track to where I wanted to be. I knew if I took them I wouldn't be able to follow my dream of a radio career. The money was tempting and the fact that I could "tell" people I had a job was a nice idea. But I sucked it up declined the offers and believed that something would shift for me. The right thing would turn up.
I know I sound super hippie-ish but I meditated a lot, I worked with my coach and I practiced some new methods of being in the moment and calling in what I really really wanted - this was some powerful stuff.. But then still nothing was happening as fast as I had hoped.
Some days were good, others not so good.
I deleted a blog post recently that was so angry, toxic and impatient - which I wish I had saved for this moment.. for the purpose of reflection. A negative mindset can be so bloody destructive.
Every day was different. Sometimes I was productive, I had meetings or was appearing on TV. Other days I was questioning everything in my life. What am I doing? Am I good enough? Should I change careers? Maybe I should study something? Should I have a baby? Where is my life heading!!! Do I have a purpose? I was analysing everything. And on top of that trying to keep it to myself. Trying to keep positive.
This didn't help me at all.
On top of it all, not making money and depending on my husband must seem like the normal thing to do, but I'm fiercely independent, I was running out of my savings from NZ. The lower my bank account got the more stressed I became.
Trust I remember.. Trust it will all work out.
Through all of this Benji was incredible. He really stepped up and supported me during this time, even when I didn't know what I needed, he just made me feel hopeful.
I had some very down days. I hated people asking "What are you doing now? Are you working? What do you do all day?" even when it was from family, it was killing me!
Worse were friends thinking I should be grateful for the fact that I didn't have to work!!!
I wasn't sure what I would do if it clicked over to the new year and I still had no job….a job that I wanted that is.
Then I got the call that I was hoping for…. The words I was praying for came down the line…
"You've been offered a radio job!"
I was eating a bag of potato chips having a wallowing moment when the call arrived..
WHAT!!!!????
Marina (my Manager) repeats: You've been offered a job with KIIS FM
Literally everything I needed to hear in all those months came through the other end of the phone.
That phone call led to weeks of internal joy (as I was held to secrecy). But now I can happily announce my excitement of joining KIIS FM nationally five days a week as your 3PM pick up co-host.
I am so humbled. So excited. I hope you guys love the show as much as I love being there.
